How to recognize abuse
How to help the victim
Where can I get help

How Do I Recognize Abuse?

Look for the following signs with someone who you suspect may be experiencing domestic violence. Although these signs do not always indicate that someone suffers from domestic violence, they are found commonly amongst victims:

• Overly protective, jealous, controlling or questioning partner (partner may use public blaming or embarrassment)
  
• Extreme fear of partner's disapproval
  
• Excessive self-blaming in the context of the relationship
  
• Progressive isolation from friends, family, and supporters
  
• Non-accidental injuries
  
• Any injury during pregnancy, especially to abdomen/breasts
  
• Prior history of abuse
  
• Chronic pain symptoms with no apparent medical cause
  
• Psychological/Emotional distress
  
• Hopelessness and suicide attempts

How Can I Help a Victim?

You can make a difference in stopping the cycle of violence. Not addressing a potentially abusive situation only serves to perpetuate it. Finding out more about the safety of your friend or family member can help. The most important thing to remember when you talk with your friend or family member is to remain non-judgmental. The abuse is not the victim's fault. Here are some things you can do:

• Listen to their story with open ears and an open mind. Keep all information confidential.
• Let the victim know that they are not alone, and that you are there to listen to and support them.
• Create a safe environment where the victim will not be judged or feel uncomfortable sharing their story.
• Choose a location to talk that can afford you and your friend or family member some privacy.
• Here are some things NOT to do:
  • Don't tell the victim that you know what they feel like, unless you really do.
  • Don't tell the victim what she must do. Rather, DO provide options.
  • Don't blame the victim or cause them to feel more guilt by saying things like, "Why didn't you…" or "Why can't you just leave?"
    
    
• Provide validating messages.
  
  • Tell the victim that you hear them. Be emotionally affirming.
  • Tell the victim that it is not their fault and that no one deserves to be abused.
  • Tell the victim that everyone has a right to live free from violence, and she has options.

• Provide information about domestic violence - you can use the information in this website or tell the victim that they can call NYAWC's hotline. A victim has options.
• Safety Plan: Visit the safety plans section of our website. (here: link to safety planning on our website). Print out a copy of the safety plan and give it to the victim, or just share some of the information with her to help her protect herself and her children.

For Friends and Family: Taking Care of Yourself

In order to care for your friend or family member, you also have to take care of yourself. Domestic violence can be very difficult to hear about and handle, especially if the abuser is close to you as well.

If you're feeling angry or hurt, dealing with those emotions will help you to better help your friend or relative. Explore the reasons why you have these feelings, but also realize that they are normal. You cannot take control or "fix" of the situation, but you can help your friend or family member make her own informed choices to stay safe.

Having as much information as possible about domestic violence and how to offer support may be very helpful to you as well. Click here for more information about domestic violence and a list of additional resources.