Description and Dynamics
Identifying Abuse
Myths and Realities
Statistics
Additional Resources

What is Domestic Violence

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, also called battering, spouse abuse, family violence or intimate partner violence, is a pattern of assaultive and coercive behaviors in which an individual establishes and maintains power and control over another with whom he/she has an intimate, romantic, marital or family relationship. Abusers often use threats, intimidation, isolation, violent acts and other behaviors to establish and maintain power and control, which is the crux of domestic violence.

The followings are common types of abuse that may be used sparingly and at discernable points of a relationship, or repeatedly and consistently throughout a relationship.

• Physical Abuse
• Sexual Abuse
• Verbal Abuse
• Emotional/Psychological Abuse
• Economic Abuse
• Immigration Abuse
• Marital Rape

Domestic violence occurs in the relationship where abusers and survivors know each other, and could happen both in adult and adolescent intimate or familial relationships. The abuser and survivor may be married, divorced, separated, cohabitating, have a child together, dating or simply part of the family. They may be heterosexual or homosexual. The relationship may be long-term or may have just started. Domestic violence can occur in any type of intimate partner or familial relationship.

Domestic violence is a crime.

Identifying Abuse

Use these guidelines to determine if you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence.

Has your partner ever:

• Punched you
  
• Slapped you
  
• Kicked you
  
• Bitten you
  
• Pulled your hair
  
• Sexually assaulted you
  
• Kidnapped you or held you hostage?

Does your partner ever:

• Publicly shame you
  
• Try to isolate you from others
  
• Try to dominate you
  
• Stalk or follow you
  
• Threaten to kill or harm you, or someone you love
  
• Intimidate you with weapons
  
• Take your money or deny you financial resources
  
• Threaten to take away your children
  
• Deny or minimize abuse
  
• Accuse you of being unfaithful
  
• Threaten suicide to try to force you to do something?

Profile of an Abuser — Five Key Elements:

• Entitlement thinking
  
• Avoidance of feelings of helplessness, fear and powerlessness
  
• Denial about the impact his behavior has on himself and others
  
• Benefits from institutional and cultural forms of inequality
  
• Potentially aggravating factors: substance abuse, mental illness

Myths and Realities about Domestic Violence

• Myth: Domestic violence is more accepted in Asian cultures, which allow battering, than it is in Western cultures.

Reality: Unfortunately, acceptance or tolerance of domestic violence exists in many cultures, including Western cultures. Excusing any incidence of violence against women as a product of culture is dangerous because it aids an abuser's justification for his abuse.

• Myth: Domestic violence mainly happens only to certain types of people, for instance the poor or uneducated.

Reality: Domestic violence is blind to ethnicity, race, social class and education levels. There are abusers and victims from all walks of life. Abusers can be respected members of their community, seen by many on the outside as charming and amiable people.

• Myth: Domestic violence is the woman's fault. A woman can prevent abuse by obeying her husband or trying harder to please him.

Reality: Many battered women make numerous attempts to change their behavior, hoping that will stop the abuse. Ironically, this approach may only fuel the abuser's control. Only the abuser can change his or her own behavior.

• Myth: A victim of abuse can always walk away from the relationship. She only stays because she has low self-esteem or because she is allowing herself to be abused.

Reality: There are many reasons for why women don't leave abusive relationships. When battered women flee, they are at the highest risk of retaliation from their abuser who may become angry that he has lost control over the situation and the victim. Abusers are very controlling and often deny their victims access to resources including money, information and social support. If the survivor is an immigrant, her resources may be even more limited and she may face additional language, cultural, legal and economic barriers.

• Myth: Domestic violence is a family issue and should not be discussed or dealt with outside of the family.

Reality: Domestic violence affects us all. It is a community issue, and outside support is one of the most vital resource for a survivor. Domestic violence is also a crime.

• Myth: Domestic violence is an uncommon problem.

Reality: It is estimated that nearly one in three adult women will experience at least one physical assault by a partner during adulthood. 30% of Americans say they know a woman who has been physically abused by her husband or boyfriend in the past year.

• Myth: Men who batter are still good fathers.

Reality: Though some batterers are loving fathers, research shows that 50% of the men who frequently assaulted their wives also frequently abused their children. All children suffer from witnessing their father assault their mother.

• Myth: A husband has the right to have sex with his wife whenever he wants, regardless of whether or not she wants to.

Reality: Marital rape (a form of sexual abuse) is illegal in all 50 states. It is a crime punishable by law. It is a woman's right to make her own decisions about sex whether she is married or not.

• Myth: Elder abuse does not occur in the Asian community.

Reality: Despite a tradition of respecting elders, this abuse does occur in Asian communities. Elders may be deprived of food, clothing, money, suitable living conditions, or be forced to work as household labor by their family. Abused women of all ages inside or outside the Asian Community can call NYAWC for help.

• Myth: Undocumented female immigrants are not entitled to assistance.

Reality: All women have the right to get help, no matter what their immigration status is. NYAWC provides culturally sensitive and language accesible services regardless of status.

• Myth: A woman must stay with her husband in order to receive her permanent residency (Green Card).

Reality: A woman with conditional residency does not have to stay with her abuser in order to get permanent residency or her Green Card. NYAWC can help a woman speak with an immigration lawyer to determine if she is eligible for a battered spouse waiver or other immigration status.

• Myth: Men and women have always fought; it is natural.

Reality: All couples will disagree at one time or another. But it is important to remember that anger is a feeling while violence is a behavior. Violent against women under any circumstances is a crime punishable by law.

• Myth: Abused women with children who stay with their batterers do not care about the welfare of their children.

Reality: Women often stay with their abuse so their children can grow up with a father. Concern for her children is often what influences a woman to leave an abusive situation. When the abuser starts to harm the children, it is then that women often feel compelled to risk leaving in order to protect them.

Prevalence of Domestic Violence:

Consider these Startling Statistics:

• Nearly one in three adult women experience at least one physical assault by a partner during adulthood. [i]
• It is estimated that between one-million [ii] and four-million [iii]women suffer nonfatal violence from an intimate partner every year.
• 30% of Americans say they know a woman who has been physically abused by her husband or boyfriend in the past year. [iv]
• Of those victimized by an intimate partner, 85% are women and 15% are men. .[v]
• Intimate partner violence results in nearly two-million injuries and 1,300 deaths nationwide every year .[vi]. That is more than three deaths per day.
• Domestic violence is the number one cause of homelessness in 44 percent of cities surveyed. [vii]
• It is estimated that domestic violence costs more than $900 million a year due to lower productivity, staff turnover, and absenteeism and an additional $900 million in earnings lost by victims of intimate partner violence. [viii]
• Abused women are twice as likely as non-abused women to have poor health and physical and mental problems, even if the violence occurred years before. [ix]
• According to the Asian & Pacific Islander Institute on Domestic Violence, 41-60% of Asian and Pacific Islander women reported experiencing domestic violence during their lifetime.

The Cycle of Domestic Violence

• Men who have witnessed their parents' domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own wives compared to children of non violent parents.[x]
• Girls who have witnessed domestic violence are more likely to stay in an abusive relationship as an adult.[xi]
• More than 50% of batterers also abuse their children or their victim's children.[xii]

Other Domestic Violence Organizations in New York City

Other Asian Domestic Violence Organizations in the US

If you live in a region not noted on this list and need assistance, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE and they will direct you to a domestic violence organization in your area.

For a complete list, visit http://www.apiidv.org/resources/programs-serving-apis.php

Other Asian Social Services Agencies in New York City

For a complete list, please visit http://www.aafederation.org/directory/search.asp?cmd=list

Legal Organizations

More Online Information about Domestic Violence and National Domestic Violence Organizations

Find Your Local New York City Police Precinct

nyc.gov/html/nypd/html/precinct_maps/precinct_finder.shtml or nyc.gov/nyc-resources/service/1678/find-a-police-precinct-or-psa

Bibliography