For #SAAM, NYAWC envisioned sharing with the community the hope and drive in anti-sexual violence work. We are so incredibly proud to present this series of personal, powerful, and poignant vlogs.

We wholeheartedly thank videographer Scott Nelson www.vimeo.com/scottnelsonpro and makeup artist Jasmin Rahman www.jasminrahman.com for offering their professional skills pro bono and making this project possible.

The SAAM Vlog Team consists of NYAWC staff: Aditi Bhattacharya, Betty Rose Green, Vineeta Kapahi, and Gabrielle Nguyen.

Aditi Bhattacharya, Counselor & Program Manager of One Again (Sexual Assault Services)

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Healing, to me, is understanding and accepting myself. It is appreciating the duality of all things: light/darkness; storms/springtime. Healing is cultivating CONSTANT gratitude for this necessary duality. Fires allow new growth. good balances bad. Each moment has its place. I learn to listen to the moments, be grateful to my body, my warrior, and for all that my this universe ALWAYS teaches me. To heal, I hold a tree, learn its balance and quietude. I hold my cats. I remember duality and its purpose. I am shaped by the scars AND the kindness that my life has given me. I remember to stay kind to myself, to not punish myself too much. To see meaning, cultivate balance, and thus to Heal.

Chia-I Lin, Children's Counselor

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I always remember what a client said to me. “Thank you for your help and company. Through your support, I feel I have more courage to face my situations than before. Because you are always there for me, I feel I can accept the outcomes and move forward.” My passion for the job stems from this. I am a children counselor working with child survivors and parents. I have seen progress in the way children face their difficulties in life when they feel understood, have support, or feel released after therapeutic counseling sessions. When children have this support, they start to recover and grow. This is what motivates me to keep improving at what I do; seeing the positive changes and growth from clients.

Betty Rose Green, Manager of Community Outreach and Education

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Healing is a journey of reconnection and empowerment. When trauma happens, a painful internal distance occurs that affects the relationship we have with ourselves. For me, healing is about reconnecting to the beautiful powerhouse that I was before the trauma. The ‘me’ will never look exactly the same, but that doesn’t mean that I will be forever unrecognizable. It’s about allowing myself to feel and have cleansing crying sessions. It’s about focusing on the hopes, needs and desires that I have for my life. Healing is most definitely a laborious and, many times, lonely process, but it’s one that is not impossible. Reflecting on what I’ve survived reminds me of my power. It reminds me that ‘this too shall pass’ because I am fiercely working towards making that happen.

Crystal Mingsuen Tang, STAR Children and Youth Program Counselor

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What inspires me to do anti-sexual violence work?

My first relationship in high school, I thought that to love and be loved meant doing whatever my partner wanted, even if - or especially if - I didn’t want to. It took me years to understand that being able to say, “no, not that” or “no, not yet,” is part of a strong relationship. Now, my husband and I have the confidence in ourselves and our relationship to say, “no.” We understand it’s not a rejection of us or our feelings. I work with youth because they’re starting to figure out how to date and love and I want them to realize that they are worth loving just for who they are. I want them to have the confidence to say and accept “No.”

Kayla Chan, Counselor Advocate

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What inspires me to do anti-sexual violence work?
I believe that a lot of us probably know a lot more survivors of sexual violence than we think we do. Witnessing the silent resiliency among many of our clients, and personally among my own friends too inspires me to continue doing this work. Plus, why is there even a need to be telling others that sexual violence is wrong?

What is the hope that keeps me going in this work?
My hope is that I will no longer have a job as there will be no need to do anti-violence work. Really though, I hope for more attention to be given to stories of strength from survivors of sexual violence. We don't need more sensationalized descriptions of sexual violence, what we need is a reframing to focus on the human resiliency throughout the healing process.

Lucy Wilson, On-Call Resident Supporter

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I’ve spent the majority of my adult life studying Buddhism and gender. In Buddhist studies, I thought most about three problems: #1 life is full of suffering, #2 but it shouldn’t be that way, and #3 how should I live my life with this knowledge? A good friend of mine once told me I should not just live with others, but also for others, and that this would make my life better. I do anti sexual violence work because it’s a way for me to approach these problems. It gives me an opportunity to address and help minimize suffering in the world and to enrich my own life in the process, as this work makes me more conscious of not just living with, but also for others.

Rahnum Tasnuva, Hotline Manager

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To me, healing is a process of knowing and accepting myself and to fall in love with this new me, once who used to be someone very different than now. It's a process of understanding my own self and overcoming in my own way. Healing is emerging a strong soul out of sufferings. It's a journey from that unbearable pain of shame to the moment of forgiveness and becoming someone who is not willing to give up. Healing is a powerful face with a beautiful smile and peaceful heart.

Sasha-Ann Frazer, Counselor-Advocate

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“One day you'll become a woman who knows how to treat her man.” These are the words I heard all the time as a child. “Oh he touched her? Well he's just being a man.” Before I was born I already lost control of myself. I was confused about the role I was supposed to fill as woman because the role being given to me was not the role I wanted to play. As a teenager I started to fight. And now, I am still fighting. I came here because I wanted to tell others that it’s not going to be easy. It’s not easy to reclaim yourself after it has been stolen, before you even knew your name. Sometimes you’ll feel so tired that you just want to give up, but don’t.

Xiao Yu, Counselor-Advocate

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Facing sexual violence I was numb. I didn’t know how to feel; I didn’t want to feel. Instead I shrank. My chest tightened, my shoulders closed, my internal organs cringed. When I tried to stretch open, I felt pain; I felt judgement; I felt anxiety and vulnerability. I did not dare to express with my body who I am and how I feel. I am certain I am not alone. Together with clients, we learn to move our body in ways we please, to feel the violence that has been thrown at us, to grieve unapologetically, and to rediscover the unlimited inner strengths within us all. To heal is to reclaim the ownership of our body.